You’re too young to believe it’s not going to be okay.

moved.

A room without books is like a body without a soul.

CIP today!

Honestly I found it rather fulfilling. I’ve always enjoyed CIPs, its so fun and you get to see so many things from so many perspectives. But thank the lord the girls didn’t have to participate in captains ball or I would have been badly maimed by now hahaha. Guys are so violent when it comes to contact sports o_o The games were really funny though, I was laughing at how epic the boys in the Muhadmadiah (did I spell it correctly?) boys home were.

Well all went fine, other than the part where captains ball broke three of their window panes. But hopefully what we gave them accounted for their losses. #pokerface

Then after that went to jiawei’s house to do homework. HAHA yeah madness i know half the time we were in some heated debate as to whether the specific heat capacity would increase or decrease if heat lost to surroundings were accounted for. And I successfully convinced her that it would increase (Y) #win

Oh and she’s leaving to Japan in 5 days! For 3 weeks!

Cue the dramatic collapse and farewell scene.

LOL jk. Anyway that just means that I don’t have anyone to rant to now, which is depressing because I would end up talking to my reflection or something. And there’s CCAs, which would further bore me/ tire me/ stress me to death. Remind me why i joined it again?

Oh report book day tomorrow. I bet the teachers must have been so disappointed that they didn’t get to meet my parents to drone on and on about what a wonderful and pleasant student I had been.

not. Its just that I always had a rebellious side. You cannot expect me to pin up my fringe 24/7, long skirt, long socks, that kinda thing. Oh and neither can you expect me to not being responsive. If I don’t feel like talking then I won’t talk its not like I have anything constructive to offer anyway, all that comes out of my mouth isn’t exactly information that you would want to know. I’m quite blunt when it comes to words, I speak what I want to so I control myself simply by not speaking. The last time a security guard came over and rudely chased me out of a place filled with people, I went “you son of a b*tch” at him. And no I did not get out of there and neither am I wearing any school based attire so no worries about me getting on stomp -_- I just hate it when people judge me just because I don’t like to speak. I’m just being polite by trying not to offend people dammit. Its like the teachers have some strange conspiracy against me and catches me for my attire all the time, sometimes for no logical reason at all. I mean like I know that sometimes I’m not exactly the model student but if I’m caught for something as ridiculous as an orange coloured rubber band then obviously I’m going to be pissed.

Oh well.

Speechless.

It was getting hard to keep all the things I didn’t know inside me.

I’m going to start over.

There is a universal truth we all have to face, whether we want to or not, everything eventually ends. As much as I’ve looked forward to this day, I’ve always disliked endings. Last day of summer, the final chapter of a great book, parting ways with a close friend. But endings are inevitable. Leaves fall. You close the book. You say goodbye.

Today is one of those days for us. Today we say goodbye to everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable. We’re moving on. But just because we’re leaving, and that hurts, there’s some people who are so much a part of us, they’ll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground. Our North Star. And the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us, always.

I’m quite happy today, not simply because of the things that happened or did not happen, but more of a contented happy. The happy where you tell yourself in the morning and believe. Its actually really in your head. Your circumstances isn’t a requirement for yourself to be happy. If somebody else were to be placed in your shoes, would they be happy? They might, if they have had it worse, or maybe not, if they felt that they should not be experiencing what you are now. Your material wealth, physical beauty, or your personal strive for competence might have a correlation to personal happiness. Why can an orphan be happy but yet a millionaire can’t? Happiness is relative, and to a lot of us it is also an expectation. You expect something to turn out right, ie. you expect yourself to achieve good grades, and if you don’t you are unhappy. Contentment comes hand in hand with happiness, if you learn to be contented with what you have, then you would naturally be happy. Instead of wallowing in your own pool of self pity, you might as well just step out of it and start to learn to count your own blessings.

umm, the awkward moment when you realize that you had just gone all Dr. Seuss on your blog. I was reading broader perspectives, chanced along an insightful article and wanted to blog about it, and look what happened -_- asdfghjkl. *fuuuuuu.gif*

But as long as that chunk of shit above is, I acknowledge that it is easier said than done ._. It was just a moment of personal reflection of some warped sort. You can ignore me, I had to satisfy my impulsive urge to put my internal thoughts into words @: Anyway, if yall are as boliao as I am to read broader perspectives(or maybe your teacher had forced you to do some weird vocab homework on it), read the first article of the 9/11 issue of Freedom as we call it, its really interesting. How they write like that, I myself can’t comprehend. I don’t know what got into me to read broader perspectives, all I remember is that I was bored in class in the morning, didn’t have anything to do, so I just picked it up and started reading. It’s my way of alleviating my withdrawal symptoms from wattpad… I ran out of books ._. And can’t be bothered to pick up some myself because most are incompleted and I hate waiting for authors to update. Going to resort to the library soon *pushes up invisible geek specs*

“The events of 9/11 did indeed bring a prison of fear and terror, but how different was this prison from the equally consuming prisons that we construct for ourselves on a daily basis? What of the prison of apathy that we use to protect us from the reality and needs of our own families or communities? Or the fear-induced prison that we might fail if we truly follow our passion? Or the prison of inevitability that we live in, lest we conclude that we can actually make a difference?”

ran 2.4 today after trainingggggggg. Came back at a shit timing but I was exhausted and I can proudly say that with my glucose level today, I’ve tried my best. Any faster and I would be lying unconscious on a hospital bed now.

Okay I might be slightly exaggerating, the point is that I am absolutely tired now and too lazy to do any homework so thats why I’m actually sitting here bullshitting my way through yet another boring post.

And I hide because there’s more to me than what you see and I’m not sure you’d like the rest. I know that sometimes, I don’t like the rest.

Perks of being a history rep: none.

No really. People are so damn uncooperative. Maybe I didn’t get the message through enough, but there was one email sent by Mrs tan, one email sent by me, and one facebook post. And I even extended the dateline secretly -_- I mean like really, I think if Mrs Tan found out I would be dead. Although argumentatively she didn’t specify a date and time, but the HBL tasksheet had already stated that submissions are by 18th of May 5pm.

Now which part of that is unclear?!

And I just sent all of the documents out. -_- Don’t blame me for being unclear, I told them to email already. Even if they didn’t check their email they should have checked facebook right ._. I’m so pissed because I really am clueless about what to do.

Whatever can’t be bothered already, its their grades afterall. *goes on a mad rage*

I just hope that I don’t have anymore saigang to do after this -_-

 

Anyway, I’m going to repaint my room in the June holidayssssss. *does a happy dance*

Going to paint it either turquoise or dark violet, I’m so sick of the light blue walls that are detaching themselves from my room. Its starting to flake already D: So while repainting I decided that I might as well go for a full out makeover :B Going to ask Jiawei for her help HAHA, but actually I don’t plan to make that much of a change, maybe just buy a few DIY stuff to work around with <: Going to bribe my mum to fund me a little with my results LOL. Or maybe I can just save up abit, she’s already paying for the paint anyway.

#Onlythingilookforwardtointheholidays

Well other than the fact that there aren’t boring lessons, and tiring travel journeys to and fro from home to school, there really isn’t any change considering the fact that I still have cca and homework. -_- Oh going to look forward to reopening the blogshop too! It’s so fun to have a blogshop really. Well mainly its the prospect of having your own ideas and having your friends to work along with, but yeah its so awesome. Plus its like a holiday j0b with a flexible schedule. 😀

Went out with my mum today, it’s been so long since I went shopping with her HAHA. I was tempting her to buy this skirt but being the conscientious spender that she is, she refused D: I totally forgot about the fact that there’s PTM today though, but my mum remembered like wtf. She was like: its PTM today right? And I was like: what shit?!

You get my point. It just slid past my mind heh. Random fact #1: my parents had never attended a single PTM session after I bawled and pleaded them to not attend when I was p2 in fear of my math teacher who scolded me in class on or something. #nerd97

..And they agreed to not go for ptm as long as I kept my results up. (although I feel that they secretly hate the meeting with the teachers and socializing with parents part themselves )

I was such a spoiled child. *shakes head in disapproval* But oh well at least they don’t make it a point to attend now 😀 Not that they need to, I can create a virtual PTM setting right now in the comfort of my home. I mean like all 8 teachers would ever say to my parents would be something along the lines of: your daughter is very quiet/reserved/introverted. (generate 8 different versions of that sentence and recite it to my parents, that’s what they would get if they attended PTM) And I don’t mean it in a good way fyi, sometimes I hate being quiet when inside I’m really like exploding in rage or something. Random fact #2: In all the pages of my primary school report book, the comments all had the word “reserved” and “quiet” in it.

That’s one of the reason why I’m more of a writing than speaking person. Words always express what my mouth can’t -_- I have problems with verbal expression seriously.

Oh I realized how long winded this post is C: Kekekeke no one reads this anyway, but if you are one of the rare few who are nice/bored/boliao/stalkerish enough to finish reading the post, you’re awesome (Y) HAHA okay byee.

And every night she cries, and dies a little more inside.

And the silence will set her free.

Too damn mainstream.

Sometimes, the wrong choices brings you to the right places.

Stop rebuilding the wall people are trying to demolish. Stop blocking everyone out, stop being so damn stubborn and hard headed. Embrace the present, stop thinking about how that guy in school thinks of you, stop brooding over how you’ve messed up, have no regrets. Drop your fears, and learn to do whatever makes you happy.

Doze off under the stars, sing along with the crickets by a willow tree, have a stroll along the setting horizon of the shore, jump into a mountain of maple leaves, laugh at the cat stuck up in the tree.

Don’t tell me its too late; as long as you get to live another day, its never too late.

..Hah easier said than done.

#edit

Can you be more reasonable. You accuse me for not communicating with you and not speaking to you. Then why don’t you try and change yourself. It’s not like I’m deliberately avoiding you, avoiding people is even more tiring than talking to them, so what gives me any reason whatsoever to avoid you? And I’m not so rude as to ignore people, so why don’t you understand that the reason for me not speaking to you is because you can’t listen to begin with. I try telling you something and you give me a blank face, I repeat it and you don’t even give a decent reply. You are forever biased. Sometimes I even suspect if I’m even related to you. You behave like the world owes you everything, and you can’t stand it when people don’t listen to you. Your stubborness of a bull is what I cannot stand. You shout because I don’t listen to you when you are obviously wrong. (I’m not your puppet, I have my own opinions and what makes you think that I lack that much conviction such that would listen to whatever you have to say?) I’m not ungrateful, so don’t call me an ingrate. I won’t do anything disrespectful or anything I’m not supposed to. I just hope that you would change your temper, stop making our lives to difficult because is pretty damn tiring and frustrating to convince you to do something all the time. In the end we just end up fighting, I’m sick of that.

Most importantly, if you can at all avoid it, don’t be normal. Strive, burn and do everything you can to avoid being the industry standard. Even the highest industry standard. Be greater than anything anyone else has ever dreamed of you. Don’t settle for pats on the back, salary increases, a nod-and-a-smile. Instead, rage against the tepidness of the mundane with every fiber of whatever makes you, you. Change this place.

This post is going to be all pictures and little word, kinda tired right now to blog much <:

A random doodle for my room haha, charmaine and jiawei came over to do HBL today 😀

Our lunch :B

The awkward moment when you attempt to make a dream catcher with a miniature ring.. and fail.

This is actually extremely amusing. I got a whole pack of such keychains from my mum yesterday. She told me that her colleague’s friend opened a shop that sold these (although I don’t see the profit in that), and its is closing down (my point exactly), so they are giving out all the leftovers. Didn’t find anywhere to hang it so I simply pinned them on my notice board along with my other keychains. Good enough. (Not to mention that I have at least twice of these which I have no idea how to get rid of)

HBL was fun 😀 We completed the stuff fast enough, so it was okay. Blobbed around for a bit, and jiawei was strumming on my ukulele to vent her boredom, of which I call her mugger withdrawal symptom. She was literally freaking out about not doing her chinese yuedubaogao. *pinches myself to make sure I’m not seeing things*

Oh well another round of HBL with them again tomorrow 😀 Shall finish up some homework now kekekeke.

Every minute you spend with someone gives them a part of your life and takes part of theirs.

Super tired now and super peeved.

Why can’t anyone do a simple thing correctly. If not for the group, at least for themselves. Is completing something that simple that hard? We are already carrying most of the workload and you can’t even contribute half of what you are supposed to be doing.

And in the end I’m just doing everything by myself. Bloody hell what shit is this can people stop assuming that others are just going to help do the work for you? And so what if you are busy, everyone is fu*king busy, its not just you. I’m pretty effing busy myself. _|_ At least put in a little effort into the work, don’t chuck something slipshot and in the end I have to redo everything simply because some asshole refuses to do anything properly.

Reasons why I absolutely detest projects. I really don’t see the point in having a group work if these are the kind of groupmates I am getting. Its no different from homework. Its not that I’m saying all of my groupmates don’t contribute, just some. It’s so bloody annoying because here I am trying to complete this piece of shit and others can’t even finish off that small part they are assigned to. I don’t want to do the project as much as you do, at least try and put a little heart into it. Its so unnerving when you receive an email from your groupmate with their work attached, only to download the attachment and find out that you have to edit the whole damn thing. I might be willing to do group work, but I’m not omnipotent or have unlimited time to spare. Stop pushing my limits by sending me stuff like this and expecting yourself to get a good grade from my work. I have marks to spare don’t worry, I don’t see why I should be cleaning up your mess for you.

…I’m going to flip a table soon.

She said: please understand that if I see you again, don’t even say hello.

It’s mothers’ day tomorrow (:

Went to the carnival dry run today. Honestly I thought that it was a waste of time but oh well.

I keep blogging recently its getting so annoying. Haha its like I want to blog but its wasting so much of my time -_-

Anyway.

After the dry run I went to plaza sing, shopped at daiso for the materials I need for the card I’m making for my mum, by the end of it I had like 10 items +++ in my hands. I’m a sucker for pretty decorative stuff, I just grabbed whatever I thought was nice and ended up busting my budget. (Note to self: Never bring more than $10 into daiso.) I’m such an impulsive shopper haha, but who can resist right. I wanted to grab everything because I’ve been dying to revamp my room but never had the materials or the time and the stuff in daiso are like marshmallows and unicorns – awesome.

Then went around bugis with jiawei to find some souvenir for her jap buddy when she leaves for the immersion trip. Lucky bitch. So we went around and I wanted to find a ribbon rubberband to cover up my pink hairtie since Ms Chia forbids coloured hairties but allows ribbons.

I know. Ridiculous.

But failed to find it anyway I think I’m going to end up making my own HAHA. Then bought a superman ezlink card sticker out of pure impulse. #noregrets Drank koi and sotong-ly forgot to tell them to exclude their unchewable pearls -_- I hate koi’s pearls. I can chew them for five minutes and they still wouldn’t break. The fact that they spam an exorbitant amount of pearls does not help either.

Oh and there was this shop that sold the prettiest necklaces for like 3 for $10 but didn’t buy because I’ve spent too much money already >: Damn I’m going to make my own when we reopen the blogshop. It’s fun to hang out with the gay owl again its been long HAHA. So happy today, I have quite a lot of materials left from making the mothers’ day card, going to deco my room with it (: I’m so grateful that nothing bad has been happening lately.